chi town dogs, milwaukee absinthe,and hickory dickory dice

Next stop , Chi town for a quick stop to see my little sister Mary Jordan. Mary and her boy friend Derek recently moved from Memphis to Chicago cause basically Memphis kills everything sooner or later.Really it does, it kills souls,ideas,dreams,2 different kings and a Jeff Buckley. Actually she's just way to funny to be limited by southern culture and dumb crowds.So Jane haze and I made it there and did an Open mic with said little sis.Okay open mic'ers of the world listen up ...DO NOT TRY AND WORK MATERIAL INTO A CONVERSATION,TURN OFF YOUR COMEDY SELF AND JUST BE FUCKING HUMAN.While standing outside waiting on the list i met a couple of those guys that seemed nice at first but after a moment i realized everything they were saying to each other was a bit.One guy was going on about just found out he was black and not Italian and went through some bs and i tagged the line with "here's your nigga card , thank you move along".he just smiled, which meant that's funny,I'm going to co-op that.He did later in his act but a much less funny version of "here's your naacp card, move along" Either have the balls to do the bit or don't do the bit fuckhead..I digress. The open mic community in Chicago is insane there were over 60 wannabe comics that night they actually split the groups in 2 and performed in different parts of the building. Luckily Jane ,Mary and I were all in the same talent pool and stayed together.Jane went 6th and was the first one to rock, then bunches of bullshit,then a good one then Mary went up and fucking killed.It was a weird feeling cause Mary got the slot right before me, like so many times before we knew this game. She kills, brings me up and i kill them to the point of cremation.So she brought me up and said so many nice things about me and we hugged on stage ..then i had five minutes, i set that room on fire they had no clue what was in store. We burned Chi town that night and then the hot dogs from the duck burned us on the way to Milwaukee.
We got to Milwaukee about 1am and went straight to silk (strip bar)above the comedy club known as Jokers to get the condo key. We met up with Natalie and Scott got the key hung out a bit and Jane was hit on the first 10 minutes we were there cause she dresses like a paper boy from the 20's. This was going to be short week at Jokers cause they were bringing in Andrew "dice" Clay for Saturday so all we had to do was Thursday and Friday. Thursday night, we get to the club and i find out that's there no feature and its open mic night.well they only had one open mic person, the from now on infamous Antoinette. Antoinette was so funny that she was ready to "film my special tonight, but this is my first time on stage,did you know I'm a producer?"Omfg she rambled on for 15 minutes of the the worst incoherent shit I have ever heard.then she had the nerve to try and heckle Jane .Jane nicely told her to shut the fuck up and brought me up, where once again Antoinette decided she wasn't ready to give up her 15 minutes of fucked up fame . The shut down began, as of writing this I don't remember what I said to her. All i could hear was Nat laughing her ass off in the background.Sometimes I think they like me there just to see me make someone cry.I'm fine with that. Open mic people should know their place.Don't fuck with a headliner I'm in this spot for a reason,cause I earned it,keep working and maybe in 15 years we can talk,that goes for the fed ex employee as well next time you want to step to me don't, turn around walk away and deliver my packages. Anyway the highlight of this week was the absinthe woo hoo a comedy club with absinthe i love you guys ..the good stuff Kubler omg. Anyway the Saurday show had nothing to do with me, They had the one and only Dice Clay. I have to say it was a lot better than i expected.He was a shell of former greatness but still was funny much different than the early 90's but aren't we all. i have to say staying over a day to see him work was worth it. Plus,with the help of Scott i got a picture with him.i really don't care about pictures much but this one is cool,I'll put it next to my one with Don Rickles and Lisa Lampanelli's vagina.I'll call it "wrinkled but not forgotten" in my facebook section.I love Jokers cc in Milwaukee you should follow them on twitter i do. Next stop Nyc and the Brokerage comedy club.....